Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
