How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
