How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
