he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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