so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
