Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
