i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
