We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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