Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
i believe in u and ur pee
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
