when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
