Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
