Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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