I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
