dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
