Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Randomize
