i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
