So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
