literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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