I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
