if i can run in heels then i can drive
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
You ate ashes out of my bong
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize