I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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