I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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