I CAN MOONWALK!
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
