Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
