I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Randomize
