Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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