who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
