That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize