Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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