drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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