I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize