i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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