Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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