I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
