I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Randomize
