If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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