Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
tonight lets celebrate not being married
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize