true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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