hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
PANTIES FOUND
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
