didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize