just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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