There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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