Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
