I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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