She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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