well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
