my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
