The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I just blew my weed a kiss
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
