Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
if only i could text you this smell
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
