What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
