We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
