Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
All I want is dick and wine.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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