"it" just moved
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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