Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
