I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
