No period for spring break; use this wisely.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
