i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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