I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
