Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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