So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Come back. Shots need mouths.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
