I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
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