I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
