just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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