After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
you inspire me to be a worse person
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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