so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
