Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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