Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
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