Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize