I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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