I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
