Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
