We won't sleep together?
Kiss
Puke
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Randomize
