so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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