I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
