I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
