My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
