After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
