if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
