It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
