I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
My penis needs a shock collar
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
